It’s ok to cry boys….. 

I see it all the time, boys being told not to cry, not to soften enough to feel and express their sadness at times of upset. What the hell is all of that about? 

If we are ever to bring about change on a large scale, we need to allow our babies to know it is ok to feel, to cry and be hugged, pulled close when they need it. We must be that change we wish to see.

So many wounded children continue into adulthood as wounded adults, little boys in men’s bodies and girls too. Unable to cope with the intensity of what they feel because they were restricted or shamed in childhood for expressing those intense feelings as a child. 

For goodness sake, if he is sad and has tears falling from his eyes pull him close if he will allow, ask him if you can sit with him or her in that pain for a little while and give them the ability to know it’s ok not to be ok!! 

We have been taught for generations that big girls don’t cry, boys and men don’t cry. I call bullshit on it, on it all. 

It hasn’t helped bring about the change we wish to see so how about switching that up, going with what you feel rather than what a book tells you to do in times of upset with your child. Feel your way through it with love, it is endless it is enveloping. 

Would love people’s thoughts…..

Blessings x

Ménière’s disease and me…

I was 17 when it first happened. I was in town pushing my sons pram and the whole world span. I don’t remember much, only me slurring my words whilst in a heap on the floor begging for help, and passers by with there disgust at what they thought was an alcoholic teenage parent. It was in fact my first drop attack, first of more than I can remember now 18 yrs on. It took more than 8 years to diagnose as I simply didn’t meet the typical description of a Menieres sufferer. 

8 years of drop attacks, injuries, concussions, and so so much more. I hit an all time low about 10 yrs ago when I wasn’t stable at all and needed personal care. Aged 25 I couldn’t even sit ont the loo and pee without someone holding me still in fear I would knock myself out on the hand basen in front of me. 

I had my license taken for a few years, my lifeline and that sucked big time. I was prisoner in my own home as I couldn’t be outside without someone as it was so unpredictable. 

It wasn’t just the bilateral spinning out – the vertigo, it was the sickness, head pain, exhaustion, slurred speech, tinnitus, hearing loss, anxiety, flickering eyes that really got me. I was raising 3 young babies and wasn’t well at all. 

After many years the time between attacks which can last 24 hours and leave me unstable for a week after, began stretching. I would get a heads up about 30 seconds before I would drop, and eventually the drop attacks eased. I was allowed to drive once again knowing that if I were to get the heads up I could pull over. 

I was on too many tablets to recall at some points just to be able to stand up and be. It wasn’t pleasant although I didn’t give up – it simply wasn’t an option. I was angry with the world, with my body but I refused to allow myself to be overcome. 

These days I have low level spinning most days, usually bilateral as I have Menieres in both ears. I experience exhaustion just by being awake with the demands that it puts upon my physical body but I have learned to walk alongside it instead of being dragged backwards by it. 

I sit here today after spinning out yesterday – feeling exhausted, sick and slightly drunk without the alcohol that most experience these symptoms with. I cancelled work for a few days, out my car keys away and just gave myself permission to be exactly as I am here and now .

I am blessed to have beautiful souls who look out for me and unless you are super close you won’t see me as anything other than well as I have done much work on that. I don’t speak much of it as I won’t feed it with thought. 

We have to look at illness in all its shapes and what it means for us, what we can do to help ourselves and when we allow ourselves to be held by others we can over come the  intense feelings of feck off world. 

Today I do not take any medication by choice, instead I listen to my body and how I can help her- me. I’m not anti meds although it is not a route for me. I come from a place of acceptance of all of myself as much as I can rather than berating myself for all I can’t do when I have relapses just as with my other dx’s.

I refuse to be a victim as I have brought this about in order to over come adversity, to adjust and learn a new way of being and 18 yrs on i am getting there give or take a bump and bruise or two. 

This is my journey, my creation of reality and I choose to own it rather than be a slave to it.

Blessings 🌸

Kali and I …. 

When I invited Kali into my life, I knew it was needed although I had no idea of what was to come. I felt deep down that change was inevitable and that it was going to be a different kind of life that I would be left with and that is more than true. 

I called out to her on my knees, begging for help to bring about the change from a place of stagnancy, of feeling stuck and sure enough she came in like a tsunami ripping through an ocean. 

My life looks so different now, looking at what has been over the past 2 years. This isn’t a bad thing but it has brought about fresh energy, direction and it has completely stripped away my own bullshit that I wasn’t even aware of.

My circle of friends has changed beyond belief, sometimes painful but always needed I had to walk away from friendships that were no longer serving my highest good, and some walked from me. It was only painful as I chose to grip on tight to all I knew whilst asking for change to appear, finding it hard to let go of what I was asking to happen caused some rope burn. 

My thoughts were similarly changed and stripped back, I began working with my intuition much more, knowing when to eat, sleep etc and acting upon that knowing. 

I guess you could say that Kali came into my life and acted as a fire, cleansing me of all that was no longer needed, all that I had built around me in order to step forwards on my journey without the bagggage that would only slow my journey down. 

Kali is a goddess energy, she comes to bring about both the endings and beginnings you need to make change, you are not necessarily in charge of how that happens however although maybe you are. She is fierce yet vulnerable, strong yet nourishing. She comes in like a blade through butter to cut away all the crap and then she is about to give you what you need, not always what you want and that can feel terrifying. 

It was a time of confusion yet clear sight for me. Looking at my life right now compared to then I find it almost unrecognisable and that is ok as I am now able to move about freely in my journey without carrying things that hinder my growth. 

I am grateful for the lessons learned, the endings for they have indeed brought about the new beginnings so needed. Sometimes I have walked desolate places within, vast voids that I have wandered through feeling completely alone and that is ok, just because something is uncomfortable doesn’t mean it is wrong. 

It often felt chaotic, like chaos within and external to me and I gradually learnt that it was ok to feel that too for change can be messy. Life is not all roses and rainbows, but true grit and battle scars that tell a tale. 

I realised that my yarn – my story needed to be heard as much as anyone’s and that I was weaving my braid on the great loom of life alongside the grandmothers before me and there was room for us all to gather around the great loom bowl. Our own life’s canvas being into woven with all others 

Kali energy continues to flow through my life bringing about the change I need and now I am able to flow more with it, getting less friction burns as I allow her to crumble any shit around me andwithin me  that is of no use to me. I now see that the tears that fall  from my eyes are in fact wisdom of lessons learned along the way. 

Kali is the change bringer, she will certainly change your life when you invite her in. How this feels for you is completely up to how much you are willing to bend with her wrath, to release what no longer serves your life. Life is cyclic, we are cyclic and so we must flow with the life-death-rebirth cycle for all else is futile resistance to the inevitable …

Blessings x 

The roar that is she…

You, yes you who are reading this – you are here for reason. You are hearing the call, the deep roar within that is needing to be heard, you can silence her no more for she is everything. It has led you here to this place to be reading this.

How long have you felt hungry for something that will fill that space within that just keeps growling? Many moons you have wandered around on this planet wondering why you still can’t feel free to be, all that you are. Many moons you have tried to silence the noise within, the most intoxicating song that fills your veins. Wander no more for it is time to shed that being that you are trying to be, time to take those chains of oppression off, that gag from your beautiful mouth.

You are fucking amazing, you are womb-an. You hear me? You are incredible and it is too painful to not see it a moment longer. Stop turning away from your own light, for you cannot put run it. It will follow you, like the sun does the moon, like the cat does its mouse. 

Step out of who everyone told you to be, stand in all that you are and you will always be enough. You will always have the approval you seek for it will come from within. It is time!

That niggling you feel is growing, it is filling you with the sound of your own heart song, you wisdom needs to come to the brim. Relish in the womb-an you are. 

You have the whole universe within those pretty eyes of yours, it devours all that they see and it only adds to the universe that you hold in them. You cannot hide from those who have also felt the call, for it is there to see within that sparkle in your eyes. 

That wild hair that you try to tame and manage, it wants to be free. It wants to flow with the wind as it flies about free as a kite in the autumnal winds of change, it wants to dance about your face as you dance furiously all that you feel inside. 

Those hips of yours are meant to move, they are meant to freely move you through all that you walk through, dance through. Shake those babies! Swing them, drop them, feel them for they are waiting to be as free as a bird in the sky above you.

You are as free as you wish to be for it is solely you who is holding the key to your freedom, dance sister! Dance without regard for who s watching, who is judging for they cannot hear your song within and that’s ok, not all are meant to but you do, you feel it within so dance freely, passionately and be seen, see yourself! 

For those who have birthed souls into this world, why hide that beautiful home that was for 9 months from the world! It is incredible in all its tiger stripes. Touch that beautiful space that has housed your babies, it is sacred and magical. 

Feeling frustrated? Shout it out! 

Feeling the love? Pour it out!

Feeling the passion? Share it out! 

Be the fucking amazing goddess you really are….

Blessings x

Rise up sister ….

Rise up sister, but first fall deeply into yourself. Fall so deep that you are immersed within your essence, the divine within. So that you may bring that to the surface and allow her to be seen emitting her true beauty. 

This is not an external beauty, nothing to do with what you put on your face, how you dress your body but a way from within. The authenticity pooling around your feet from the overflowing cup of raw beauty that you hold inside of you. The overflowing of your essence overflowing from your womb space, dripping down your legs with its sticky wisdom that is your blood mystery. 

Stand up sister, for you are needed, wanted and have much to give. To give to yourself, to those who have walked before you and those who will continue to walk ahead of you. 

Speak up sister for your words are like nectar to a bee, yet cut through the hardest of stone. You have a voice so use it, for all else is a waste.

Sit up and allow all you are to flow effortlessly around and around you like the spiral that life is in it’s core essence, turning and returning until you come to see just how magical you are – the goddess you are.

Sing out sister, that song that is yours alone. Let your sisters hear your tune, your heart beat song that is unique to you. Sing loud and proud of who you are, under the masks that are falling away even though you scramble around the ground to pick them up. 

Open up sister, for your heart cannot be broken, simply cracked open again and again. This is to allow you to feel all there is. Love is to be felt within you, as both the giver and the receiver.

Love hard sister, love all that you are for you are glorious in all your wild and crazy beauty that is you. Messy and wise, your wisdom simply  cannot be contained a moment longer. 

Fear not for you are becoming. You are becoming all you were meant to be, so rise up, stand up, speak up, love hard and own your own shit. Show up to the table authentic within your own truth and allow it to be heard, shackled no more, bound and gagged is no longer your status, for you are free to be all that you truly are. 

No more hiding sweet sister for you are borne of the divine, you are here to shine. Now is the time to stand as you are and sing that song, honouring your womb-an

Blessings x

Hear her now, for she is calling….

So here it is again, the loud groaning  within, the deep yearning to come back to my inner sacred self. I hear her call – Rhiannon in all her delicious sensuality. A call to roam within and delve deep into the depths of my own sacred sexuality. I have heard her call to me over the past 2 years over and over again, inticing me to follow her in a spiral that will lead me back into and into myself time and time again, the wild calling that is Rhiannon.

Tapping into the creativity that is sacred sexuality I feel her breath upon me whispering,  and oozing with all that is our inherent right and responsibility to bring back into this time and place. The sheer joy of being right within the core of all that is – love.

I have walked this path before many moons ago in a different time and space, invoking within me the exhilaration that is sensuality, and find myself unlocking long hidden wisdom within that must be shared out into this world we call home. Our mother needs this, we needs his and yet I find birthing this is painful as I fight against the inevitable. The knowing that I have a key that is to unlock something not just within myself but others too. 

Birth needn’t be a painful experience and it is true that you can experience orgasmic births when labouring to bring about a soul into the physical dimension so why am I choosing to be swept away with the pain of labouring this wisdom into the world? 

Because I am fighting against the flow of what is, I am fighting against myself. 

It has taken me time to adjust to what I have been doing in the past 3 years as a medium, and sure enough it is taking time to adjust to what I am walking now and what I must bring about into the here and now – a reconnection to all there is through gathering women, breaking down to barriers of isolation that are, of tapping into that sacred sexuality that flows through my veins like a drug that brings about bliss to its user. 

Going deeper than ever before with sisters alongside to wipe my brow and bring encouragement this will come to be, with the man who fits perfectly to collapse into when strength eludes me and it feels as though I will surely be swept away by the tides of my own being this is coming to fruitition. 

‘Breathe dear one for breath is the bearer of what is to come, what has been and what is now. Breathe life into all you have grown for it is time to harvest the adundance within’ – kali 

So for now I sit with a cuppa, in the stillness that is surrounding this quickening within and I watch the trees as they effortlessly just are. 

Blessings x 

They say romance is dead…. 

I have heard that there is no romance within the world anymore, times have changed, it’s not ‘that’ way anymore. I disagree.

Romance is often seen as the big gestures, you know the ones I’m talking about; meals out by candle light, dozens of red roses, petals on the bed. I see it differently, when I think of romance I see hugs from behind, gentle kisses on the neck, looking into someone’s eyes and holding that gaze, snuggling up on the sofa without a word said. 

Maybe I’m just that kinda woman, but maybe, just maybe society has influenced that perception of what it should look like through movies, magazines etc and in turn has bowled so many out of the ball park that people don’t try anymore through fear of it not being enough. The truth is that if that person in front of you is the right one, the one who matches you then it will be enough and it will be felt and seen, not with the eyes but with the heart.

When we realise that is it the smallest of things that mean the most we can then feel able to give and receive those things, that mean so much! Why not give it a try today, do something to say I love you to your loved one! Think outside the box that those movies and magazines have put us in, break free from the shackles of what things are ‘supposed’ to look like and just go with being you, completely. 

See a stone that you feel is awesome? Pick it up and give it, see a moment in time that makes your heart swell? Capture it on camera and share it – share that love you feel inside as there is more than enough to be given outwardly and don’t forget yourself! Fill that bath with water, infused with love for yourself, light that candle as you sink in and when you close your eyes, you really begin to see it…love!

Love begins within you, romance is not dead, be you and you will always be enough ❤️

Blessings x

Walk towards it or run from it….. love 

What happens when you close the chapter in your life that no longer serves your highest good? When you let go of what was, releasing yourself from the shackles of your own mind and are ready with a blank page in the next chapter of your life? You begin to live – fully.

It is safe to say that when you are in the midst of the chaos of your own mind it can feel scary, vulnerable – yet these feelings also come around you like the smoke from a fire whistling all around you when love comes knocking at your heart once more. It is up to you if you then choose to run from it or stand there and walk toward it. 

Vulnerability is a many splendid thing, experienced in many forms and from both perceptives of fear and love. You stand there with your heart wide open whilst feeling everything so intensely, that vulnerability. Two people close to my heart – my bestest friend and soul sister, and my partner/lover/equal/mate both said to me a while back separately and unknowing that the other had also said it, that when it happens, when that love is right it will scare the shit out of you because you have manifested the love you are, the love you deserve, want and need all in alignment. This is true, oh so true! 

I realised this morning whilst in my hazy slumber as the sky awoke once again, that the real testiment to how strong you are is not in the physical strength, but whilst being embraced with those strong arms and feeling completely at peace with being vulnerable is the gentlest of touch you place upon the one you love. Not because you are not strong but because you are. You have the ability to bring a house down yet have the gentlest of touch for those you love. 

Consistency is something we also crave within a world external to us that is ever swinging and flowing. Finding that consistency within another is priceless. Knowing that you are not judged, not scorned, not being anything other than yourself in whatever form that takes in the moment and having someone that sees that completely and feels safe knowing there is no mask, no waiting for the harsh words, the withholding of love.

So for me in this beautiful new chapter of my life, I am going to paint it vibrantly, take many road trips, photos of moments, continuing to be consistent, vulnerable and being the love that I am because I have found home. ❤️

Blessings xx

I hear you…..

On my first talk on the women’s work I am to do, am doing I came across some really interesting trains of thought, questions and views. My first thought was I felt completely out of my depth and then realised I needed to tap back into that deep wisdom I carry, that we all carry of our own truths. 

On doing so I found myself coming from a place of acceptance and acknowledgement for the other person. I did not need to fix a view that was different to mine, nor did I need to run away questioning myself I simply needed to hear them. This was huge for me and we are continually learning and expanding in our knowledge base, adding to our wisdom within as well as tapping into parts of that wisdom previously not consciously known.

‘I hear you’ – extremely powerful statement, a verbal acknowledgement that I see you, I see all of you right there in that moment speaking your own truth, view and perspective. I have found from experience that there is something most powerful to have someone look into your eyes and say those 3 words – no more and no less just as they are – I hear you. 

 Am not hearing you to fix something, nor to change your perception I am simply meeting you right where you are and acknowledging you. How beautiful is it to be heard, seen, acknowledged right there where you are at! 

We often go without truly being seen/hear for a long time and that can make us feel invisible. We often need someone to not come and sweep us up and move us forward but essentially empower us to give ourselves permission to just be where we are in that moment with all we know in that moment in time and space.

Huge lessons learnt that evening. Many things unfolded in my own being that will become a catalyst for all I am yet to be within this worldly plane but for now I give myself permission to be right here where I am in this time and place. To not judge myself or anyone else, simply to be. 

Blessings x 

They say love is blind…

They say love is blind… do you agree? From my experience I can say that there is great meaning to this saying/quote, so bare with me whilst I delve into that a bit! 

You see, we say that we saw someone and fell in love with them but actually it is energy that we are working with, not our sight when it comes to love. Love in the terms of complete acceptance of the other person alongside you, of being completely blind to the physical in front of us and instead using our abilities to sense, know, feel etc.

I see people speak of how amazing this person looks or how awesome that persons life is materially but what about the energetic compatability? I wonder what would happen if you were to tap in to what you were feeling in the dead of the night, when darkness is rife and the person you love is next to you… what feelings you get when you stop and just be in that moment totally present. 

I believe that when you are connected to someone at such a deep level that you could be blindfolded and feel that person close to you, choosing them out of a hundred people through the connection you have. 

This is my reckoning behind the saying above that love is blind because you see not with your physical eyes but with your soul, you see with energy – a feeling, a connection. 

Many people fall in love with someone only to realise later down the line that things have changed (everything changes!) but I mean that you come to realise that you are not connected on every level that is needed within the realms of not being truly seen with not the physical eyes but that of the soul. You realise that you are not accepted for all that you bring to the table for two. 

When you are absolutely seen, naked in all the beauty that you are and I’m not on about physical bodies  here although that is also true, you can be completely free to be authentically yourself without trying to nip and tuck those areas of your life that don’t meet the other persons conditions. Conditional love is something most have experienced in life, me included and it begins to corrod you, eat away at the brilliance that you are. People around you see it but you are again blind to it, or choosing to ignore it in the hope that eventually the other person will come to love those parts of you too. 

What unconditional love looks like in physical incarnation is to be seen, rose tinted glasses left at the door and the raw magnificence of who you really are to be seen, held and enveloped – I see you, I see all of your being.

When you are seen like this on all levels – physical, emotional, spiritual and mental, you are free, completely free to be all that you are – looking into the eyes of the one who sees all of you whilst you make love, laughing at the big things and small things, not needing to hide any part of yourself for fear that it won’t be accepted. If it is the right one, then you will be able to bring the vulnerability needed unconditionally to grow that magical seed of love. 

Close your eyes with those you love and feel them with your soul – tell me what you feel! 

True love is seen with the eyes of the soul – for all that you are.
Blessings x