No more decluttering, you can’t organise life clutter… you can only choose to deal with it

It’s funny, when I think back over the years. So much clutter, so many attempts at clearing it yet nothing seemed to work at that time for very long.

This year has been very clearing for me, energetically, emotionally, mentally and physically. It began on a physical level in April, as I looked at the heap of clothing on my bedroom floor I felt a sadness, the same clothes being worn and yet half a wardrobe of items I haven’t worn, wouldn’t wear again or just don’t fit. Now don’t get me wrong, I never had masses of clothing, but seeing that heap switched something within me, I felt a sadness deep within that churned.

I set to emptying everything I had as clothing on the bed, everything. From tired pants, to dresses that sparkled yet brought me no joy. Being kept for ‘just in case’ times. As I went through the pile, I held each item and asked myself if it brought me joy, if it made me smile and if I felt good in it. The answers to 80% of it was no. So I grabbed a black bin bag and removed many, many items from the pile. What was left was a small collection of clothing that made me smile, brought joy when handled and worn. I took the 2 bin bags to the charity shop locally and folded nearly each item that I had kept. I was surprised when it all fitted into a 35ltr plastic lidded box. A strange feeling of freedom washed over me and that was the beginning.

I headed to all the accumulated piles of paperwork in various places around the home. Oh my, more than I thought, hiding away in piles everywhere. No wonder it was stressful to lay my hands on anything needed at the time! I threw it all onto our large table, grabbed a washing basket and a small filing folder and began. This took much longer than clothing that I had done, there was so much of it. Old receipts from 4 years ago, pointless junk mail that had just sat there, pizza leaflets, empty envelopes….

It took hours, and hours but I ploughed on through it all, and was surprised when all I had left was a few important documents that were indeed needed. I filed them into the small folder and it hit me hard, we keep so much crap! Physically, emotionally, energetically and mentally. Walking into our home, you may not see it looking much different from others. Odd piles of things, amongst other items that have a home. But I came to the realisation that it wasn’t what you could see that was the problem as much as what it is that you don’t see, that inner landscape…

Not long after the physical clearing i had begun doing, I had a crash within myself. I found myself on the floor, skirt over head, grazes on my knees so to speak again. An internal full stop, a void even. I had visited this land within before a few times, it had been painful back then each time, yet was unprepared this time for the sheer emptiness, the silence inside that was so loud it was deafening. No words for a single soul who tried to communicate with me, just a silence. I had made a huge discovery and yet had no words to describe it, to be able to tell anyone about it.

I now know I can speak about it, although Maybe it will be too late for some relationships, severed beyond recovery. I won’t sit and wallow for they were hanging by a single thread already I guess. You see I can now see that the foundation for all strong connections need to be solid, not build upon lies, or deceit. Not built upon ultimatums nor fear, but love, trust, faithfulness and transparency.

I sat with that inner landscape for months, plunging into deep anxiety and finding solace within ocd I also lost my hearing one side at this time due to illness which probably didn’t help, may be it did. It allowed me to continue to fall, like alice in wonderland, falling and falling, deeper and deeper into what? Into myself. Was it painful and scary? Yes! Was it worth it? Most definitely. Spending days in bed, Ignoring the world, the deafening sound of shit that people were speaking, spouting endless reams of nothingness. I simply stopped as the world spun around me, and the more I stood still, the faster the world spun, people span, flapping and chirping. Oh the joy of simply being!

It is the beginning of October now and I found myself picking back up, I am going through all I own, picking up each item I have within my possession and asking if it brings me joy. If the answer is yes then it is simple, I keep it. If that answer is a no, or a wobbly maybe or not sure then I am purging it. I am no longer decluttering, that is something that would be endless, I am simply deciding what brings me joy and then making the decision to keep that within my life. After a day of taking things to the recycling centre, to the charity shop and sitting with the women I feel humbled to sit with in the circle I facilitate, I feel alive. I feel so much joy in my heart, for I am no longer decluttering my physical possessions only, I am deciding what to keep In my life. On a personal level as much as a possessional level.

I had no idea when I began this in April that I would be where I am now, what I do know is that I am exactly where I need to be. Removing toxicity from my life on so many levels. Maybe you could call it levelling up, rising up or even cleansing. Whatever you call it, it is real and it is life changing.

I will now stop at times to ensure I don’t have a build up of inner clutter and crap that needs processing and If I find it? I stop completley to investigate and deal with it in a loving yet firm way. We all must take care of our inner landscapes as much if not more than our exterior world’s. People pleasing, towing the uneven line of relationships in all its forms and being other peoples verbal punch bags for untamed emotions, undirected anger and torment is not ok. You are responsible for your actions, your choices not those of others, no matter how much they may throw at you whilst in a heightened emotion. Someone once apologised for the umptienth for exploding verbally, everyone else had walked away from them. There was a reason for that and not all of us learn that lesson quickly.

I will be continuing forwards when I wake tomorrow, I am on a journey with kuan yin and wow is all I can say, what an eye opener! I feel joy and gratitude on a level I didn’t know possible.

Now is my time, when is yours?

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Bliss, a change within….

2 weeks ago, something happened and I want to share it with you all…

I headed back to Avalon (Glastonbury uk), with 2 beautiful sistars for a day of connection, release and renewal. You see I have been working goddess KALI within my life since 2015, it has been bumpy, shedding and oh my, so so liberating.

Stripping me of so much that no longer serves my highest good, it has at times felt have nothing left to shed, laying naked on a vast inner landscape that is so void of anything except space and the odd bit of tumbleweed. She first came to me in a meditation whilst in circle, barefoot and dancing wildly to the beat of her own drum around a ferocious fire whilst screeching. Her hair unkempt and messy yet with a presence that enticed me in, to ask her to work with me in my earthly life at that time. KALI energy certainly came through like a whirlwind, releasing me of so so much and I am truly grateful although at the time I was feeling so much, confusion, abandonment, thrown to the high seas without a lifejacket. She always caught me in every fall and it lifted me higher, to richer and more fertile grounds.

I found out so much about myself, stepping into my authenticity even though not all around me where able to understand or want to maybe.

Back to Avalon 2 weeks ago, we headed up the tor holding gratitude for all that is, sitting at the top chanting, drumming and releasing. A liberating feeling when you feel a build up of crap in your life, the wind blowing without care all around you, blowing away all the cobwebs of unfinished business if you like.

Heading to the goddess temple I had no idea of the profoundness that was about to happen, no idea that my time working with KALI in the way I had been for so long was coming to a close. For I was ready for a new journey after the foundations had been laid firmly by all the shedding over those years.

I sat in the temple, surrounded by cushions and others, holding gratitude for the goddess, I have no idea how long it was that I just sat in that moment. I asked for guidance and instead of what I am used to, I was somewhat handed over, in a beautiful way to a goddess I had never really felt a connection with until that point. I slowly got up to collect a deck of cards, I was instantly drawn to the kuan yin deck which I have always overlooked until then. Shuffling the cards in a peaceful energy that was sitting in solitude with my own energy I asked for clarity., on what was needed for myself to move forwards. As I pulled the cards I was drawn to, I felt different. Lighter maybe, everything seemed brighter, more defined, my eyes closing and yet I could see clearer than ever.

Kuan yin energy embraced me, enveloping me in compassion. A sense of being at peace In a way I hadn’t experienced before to my knowledge. In that moment I knew I was ready for a new journey within myself, a journey of intense self love, compassion for myself and outside of me. My heart felt like it would surely explode with gratitude for all that is. In that moment I knew it was time.

I gave up any fear I had an walked towards the light in kuan yin heart space, allowing it to wash over me, connect in with my own heart energy and it was like a merging at the mouth of a river and an ocean. The experience in that moment was unquantifyable, it was bliss.

It felt like hours that I was suspended in that space, maybe it was minutes but I wasn’t counting, just allowing all to flow. When I felt able to come back to the room, I noticed everyone going about their own inner journies, I felt like I had just had a monumental shift and that is because I had!.

I felt such love, so much more than I thought possible. Getting up and lighting a candle for all in need, I headed back out of the temple. All 3 of us girls had also connected somehow to one another through an energy, the KALI energy. We began to try and explain our experienced with one another as we made our way up the high street, knowing it was now time to head to the springs to renew. I felt a strong urge to head into a book store which wasn’t on my to do list that Sunday and saw kuan yin deck of cards knowing instantly I needed to buy them and begin working with them for myself. Deck in hand we headed to the springs, it was open.to the public, I had always hired out privately when facilitating the ceremony but we stripped headed into the cold waters, surrounded my candles. Again chanting, holding hands in a circle and feeling our ancestors come in close all around us, gathering in circles within circles.

The water was cold, it stinged as it lapped against bare skin, we knew that it was time and each Took it in turns to kneel down in the knee height water, held by the other 2 and completley submerging our bodies into the icy water. Just a second is all it took, as with so many times before. Coming back up feeling so complete, so cleansed and topped up. I screeched as I come back up, eyes still closed from the cold dark water shaking my head and body with the shock of the water and the feeling of rejuvenation, a time of topping up after such a huge day.

We chanted some more and I felt a tear drop down my face, closing one chapter and eager to begin the next. We climbed out of the white springs, truly not believing you could feel any colder, drying and dressing as other also to the plunge into the cold healing and sacred waters.

Coming back into the light of day from the dark comforting space of the springs, it felt like a rebirth, emerging from the womb of Avalon and entering that new chapter feeling so grateful in my heart space. Everything seems so bright, clear and well, new!

We walked back into town to go eat, fueling our physical bodies with amazing vegan foods, our bellies hungry after a day of energetic work. Did I ever tell you I love eating at Excalibur? Lol awesome food.

Excited to go back home and delve into the world of kuan yin, I felt at peace In a way never felt before.

I am truly grateful for all the work I have done with KALI, and now ready to begin again.

Last Sunday was a special day, the anniversary of our beautiful and loving handfasting. A dear sistar who I truly believe to be a soul sistar came around with a gift. I hadn’t spoken of my experience in Avalon to people, not until I write this today as it has taken me this long to find words. She came with a gift and upon opening it, a wooden pendant of kuan yin lay in my hand. A beautiful moment shared between us, a gift given at exactly the right time without knowing all I had experience with kuan yin before. I will hold that with love and grace, giving gratitude to the goddess for allowing me to flow alongside in my our journeying. I have worked with the deck daily since returning home, a moment for myself in what can often become crazy days rolling from one to another. Connecting in with the energy all around us and within us.

Let it begin ❤

Decisions and the ripple effect…

What are you meant to feel when you get the call to say your son is missing? That he is in hospital after being found on a bridge wanting to take his life. Is there a protocol to how this rips you inside out? Or maybe the complete blur and moment becoming a standstill is how is feels.

I had this call yesterday early morning, and wish no parent ever to have to hear those words. The panic that sets in before your heart takes another beat, the closing of the front door when you can’t even remember that somehow you got dressed.

To sit in on a crisis meeting and hearing the emotionless words that they will be taking their own life and that’s it. No hesitation, no mixed words or lengthy conversation.

Calling ever hour on the hour to ensure it hasn’t happened yet, to hear their voice, wondering if thisncall will be the last, etched in a mother’s memory eternally. You count the minutes till you call next time, willing this not to be happening, to hope that he picks up next time with all your love from deep in the depths of your womb space.

I too found myself in this perilous space when I was much younger, a foiled attempt to end my own life. I never ever wanted ant of my babies to one day feel the void too. But 1 has.

When do you feel it is safe to sleep without clock watching to call them again as part of a crisis plan to keep them alive, to keep them safe? How do you support without imposing, feeling swamped by the seemingly crazy service that is adult mental health.

To hear them say they are st a 9 out of 10 about suicide, yet not to admit them, to keep the incredible being you made, grew and have kept.safe for many moons.

You eventually from exhaustion, of grieving for a loss not happened fall into a heap, feeling everything yet nothing. A kind of helplessness that hasn’t been felt before. To try and support someone who is suicidal, insistent on ending their life, where do you learn that? How do you continue onwards?

After returning home from another day, another crisis meeting to ensure it hasn’t happened yet, there comes a time where you have to sit and simply breathe.

Just concentrate on your breath, all else is optional, all else is just a decision away.

The fall out, the ripple effect. Just breathe 💙

Where do you begin.. right where you are.

So it has been a really tricky time as you can gather from recent blog posts. Really tough going on us all. I am awaiting my brain scan results and also my hearing aid, it isn’t the jug things that have landed me on my ass, but those many small things that have done it. From the cooker stopping working to the car needing to be scrapped.

A series of not nice little obstacles that have all happened in quick succession. But I need to begin somewhere, I need to get back up and begin to live again after nearly 2 months of treading water, hiding away under the duvet, unable to speak to people. Sure I am going to be waiting for my hearing aid for a few montha still but I have been taking medication for my ocd and severe anxiety, continued to get up and head to gym at 6am. Now to begin again.

Chris has been amazing, he has just been a complete rock. I have had 2 beautiful sistars who have reminded me daily by coming round or simply contacting me daily that it is ok, that I will be ok and am not alone. I am truly blessed.

Many moons ago I became unwell like I am today. I stayed in that holding space for much longer than this time. It was building little routines that enabled me to lift myself out of it to cope again. Just like last time, I am beginning again. I used a wonderful system called flylady which you too can find online as a basic template to help me and am doing so again, I started 2 days ago and am awake this morning feeling positive.

I have taken to wearing a head scarf as my hair is falling out and that is upsetting to me. It is the stress that is causing it yet it is causing more stress, you see what I mean? Circles within circles.

So day 3 and I am still working on it. It doesn’t matter who fast or slow you start again or even how you do it, all that matters is that you take that step, just one step at a time. I should be blessed for this time, for It has shown me many things. Who people are in times of need etc. I am grateful to be alive, living, breathing.

Baby steps x

An inbetween time

I’m laid in bed, it is nearly 11pm. It has been a strange kind of day, grandad Percy died yesterday and I am awaiting a brain scan tomorrow. A kind of limbo day I guess. I am eternally for the few people who have not let me give up and have kept checking in on me fornit is not about how many who are there but who is there at all. My man has been a most amazing rock too. This last month plus has been a big eye open for for me, has led me to see more clearly in many respects.

It is strange what illness can do. It can reveal the cracks within any relationship and friendship you thought was solid, shining light in those little crevices. It can also show you the true value of friendship, sistership. I am grateful for my tribe.

I am not sure if I am tired or not, tossing and turning. Am I grieving, concerned about tomorrow or just what? Who knows and if I don’t then nobody knows lol.

Mental health issues can also do the above, show you who is there for you in your most vulnerable state. Some people run, some quietly ebb away and others draw so close that you can’t give up and remind you daily of who you are.ofyen it is those who you least expect to fall away that do and those who you least thought would step forward do. Everything has an expiry date, except our souls, and love. Love is eternal as are our soul energy.

I have needed this much over the last month, for It has been a tough one. I believe this is some kind of crisis for me. I have chosen to step away from Mediumship whilst I am not well and i would advise anyone else who works for spirit to do the same whilst Dealing with tough stuff for we must remain pure channels for work with spirit.

I am not sure what kind of day it has been, but am alive at the end of it and that is a blessing indeed. Maybe my recent blog posts will make more sense when I am feeling In a better place, or maybe, just maybe I have seen the truth in my time of crisis. People are funny beings, in world full of beautiful horses, be a unicorn. Stand tall for who you are as who you are is enough.

Tribes are close knit, those you can trust to catch you when you fall and everyone falls at one time or another. They sit with you when you cannot possibly walk ahead. They lay with you when you cannot stand and they sit in the silence when you have no words.

X

In a while, crocodile..

It is just past half three in the morning and I got the call ten minutes ago that I knew was coming. He has gone back home, no longer in the pain of the physical world. I’m sat on the back doorstep, eating an orange.

I don’t know how I feel except relieved he is no longer in pain and discomfort that his body brought him of recent years. Grandad Percy isn’t my biological grandad, but I have come to understand very well that blood has not as much to do with family as I thought.

I met him 20 years ago although he had known gramps since they were younger as little did any of us know that he and gramps had worked and were good friends too. Many years had past before they were brought back together and both had lost their wives before they too went home to spirit.

They had boxed and drunk together, worked together too. He came to be known as grandad Percy and always had a smile and his wit whenever we saw each other.

It is getting light outside although I can see stars too, I feel relief wash over me and I am reminded of sitting with him yesterday in the hospice. I went to see him although he was u able to communicate or see anyone, I was humbled and honoured to be able to say see you in a while crocodile. Those hours I was there and those that followed were timeless, time didn’t have any relevance, it stood still as did I, silently speaking to him, letting him know it is time to go and that be was loved very much by many.

I will get dressed and head to the gym in 2 and a half hours, I realise that I can’t feel anything, the chill of the slight night breeze, the cool step I am sat on. I will head back up to bed and lay there for a while. I have worked closely with spirit for about 4 years now, gramps had come close yesterday and I know why now, giving me nuggets of wisdom to help ease this time.

I will continue taking time away from work to look after my self, getting better fro. These health issues and now allowing the grief to flow and cleanse me, how long for ? I am not sure but I know that things will be different when I come out the other side of all I am walking through, it is a natural progression.

In a while, crocodile. See you later alligator grandad Percy xxxx

Is this mine?…

So the car blew up yesterday. In Spectacular fashion. I guess it would be so bad except Chris was driving it and was miles from home where I was. Cue a panic attack from under the covers, his phone had 1% battery and he called to say car is broken, where he was, call green flag, phone on 1%. I called green flag and began arranging some kind of recovery, thankfully he had it really. For 3 hours I couldn’t contact him, didnt know if he was ok until he was recovered with car back home. Since being moved onto universal credit, the car has been a real life line and it means that Chris can work to allow us to survive, it has been hard with even less to live off, the fear of failing huge. I am not sure what we will do now.

Roll on today, it is 6am and I am walking to the gym, as I usually do. It is cold and I realise I can’t feel my arms, I actually felt something which was strange as I have been unwell for a month now. I plough onwards to the gym to begin working out. Something that has kept me going for that month when nothing makes sense.

I guess everyone goes through a spiritual crisis, this is mine maybe. I ponder many things when I am walking to the gym, who am I, what do I like, what do I not like, what are my strengths and weaknesses, who is that person I see in the mirror each day. She feels like a stranger, someone who looks like She has given up and yet has no clue who she is. What does she do best, I know her name, the one given to her at birth but everything else feels like a jumble.

I haven’t really spoken to anyone in the past month, no words come out my mouth, no line of conversation and that is immensely isolating. I have bounced between panic attacks, counting and tapping to quench the thirst of the ocd that is rampid currently, fearful but of what I do not know. Every small thing feels huge, too much even and yet I would have just ridden the waves of these seemingly small obstacles until recently.

I am exhausted, from counting, from staying awake for even a few hours. Maybe I am about to re-emerge, out of this cocoon of anxiety. But for now it feels like that isn’t about to happen.

I finish my hour on the treadmill, clocking up just over 10,000 steps and 5 miles before stepping off and walking home. A sense of achievement washes over me whilst I am hot, sweaty and out of breath. A small break from the whirlwind that is anxiety and ocd. As I slow down I begin to feel so much yet nothing again, the break from it was worth it though.

I sit on the back door step in the garden, sipping water as I remember I have my smear test today. Something I just not put off any longer, I will ride my bike to the doctors and back.

I think everyone goes through a spiritual crisis, I guess this is mine.

When things just stop

The past month has been quite an experience. I seemed to be plodding along quite happily, going to the gym, working, enjoying family life and one day it just stopped. All of it simply stopped.

I suffered crippling anxiety and my ocd came back too. I was exhausted from constantly trying to satisfy my ocd tendencies, counting objects continually, road signs were the worst and still are as I begin to fall into the depths of panic attacks if I can’t keep up whilst we are driving along.

It had been an intense week proceeding this halt in life. I guess i simply couldn’t cope and just stopped. I ended up in bed, just laying there feeling safe for want of a better word.

After a week of struggling to keep going, I headed to the doctor and laid it all bare. I cried once I made it into the room, where was I supposed to start, when asked what was up. I had a panic attack whilst waiting and was moved to a side room until my appointment, which helped.

I had lost my hearing in my right ear 3 weeks previously, which knocked me sideways too and had gone to see Dr about that after it hadn’t returned a week later. She referred back to specialist for my menieres disease and I had since been to see the specialist and had tests done.

Once I had my tears and anxiety under control enough to speak, it all came out, I was tapping to the point my finger joints hurt. She was kind and put me on some medication to help me sleep as I wasn’t sleeping well either.

I walked out of the Drs with the understanding my anxiety and ocd had returned, crippling me at that moment in time.

I only got out of bed to head to the gym at 6am, it was the only break I had from my anxiety and the ocd, an hour of not counting, tapping or being riddled with anxiety. I enjoyed the feeling of being pushed as much as I could, sweat pouring from me and a sense of completion after finishing my hour.

I couldn’t speak to people, I had no words. Not everyone has been able to understand or be around me to know and understand and that is Ok, people have busy lives, I had a busy life too until it stopped. Just holding a conversation is exhausting.

Roll on 3 weeks now and I still head out to the gym at 6 am whilst everyone else gently snores away. I come home and complete my cleaning before heading to the safety of my bed. Sometimes I sit in the garden, watching the daily incredible changes in the plants. Sometimes I will study a bit of my outstanding diplomas whilst surrounded by my duvet. And that is ok, for now.

I don’t write this for pity, it is more of a help for me to express myself, to be able to find the words I need to explain. I have been to the gym, eaten my yoghurt and am now writing this. I find it helpful to just write.

I have a brain scan to check for tumours in a week, refferals for hearing aid to be fitted too which will help with my hearing and I hope my anxiety too. I always dread the scans, it makes you look at life differently when you consider all that could be. It is something I have had done a few times before, when the boys where little but not pleasant.

I will continue to do what I can, to keep my anxiety and ocd from crippling me, I am off of work due to the nature of my work as a medium. It is important to be a clear vessel when working so I don’t know when I will be working again. I have come away from social media currently as there is so much ‘stuff on there, so many people spouting stuff continually.

I have found it has helped me greatly and know those who need to contact me can do so in other ways.

The isolation I have felt has been huge, like an iceberg on my shoulders, drowning in perpetual emptiness but I have support. I have an amazing man who has walked alongside me in this, who has just sat with me when I have no words with no motive or pressure, just knowing I’m not alone. He does so much for us and I am truly blessed for that unconditional support and love. If I can’t get out of bed because it is too scary, I know he will just meet me where I’m at and that is priceless.

Who knows what tomorrow holds, what matters for me is getting through the next hour and the next, taking it tiny chunks at a time. Not striving for more, but appreciating where I am at in any given moment. Maybe I will wake tomorrow and be coping better, maybe today will be the day I feel free, or maybe not. What matters is owning my place in my life currently.

Walking the walk..

1 month ago I headed to Glastonbury to facilitate a women’s day retreat workshop. I went up the day before with a wonderful sistar and stayed overnight as I knew I would be exhausted from driving and wandering around the day before facilitating which was normal for me. I managed 13,000 steps that day, including climbing the Tor which is always something that has tested my body to the max.

Roll on 1 month, and lots of rest due to injury, followed by gym each morning early for the past 2 weeks and I have managed over 13,000 steps before 8am. What a huge difference.

I navigate chronic illness and have been napping for many years daily just to get through the day due to exhaustion, and now I rarely need to lay down expect to sleep at night.

My illness hasn’t gone away, but I am managing it, along with the wieght I have gained since last year. I decided to stop looking at the scales and just focus on what my body tells me.

I have listened to her for many moons and follow my intuition mostly which doenst let me down, although I have times where I feel lost and that is part of being human and experiencing life.

am sat outside in garden at 8am writing this after my smoothie of fresh fruit and spinach, listening to the birds and feeling good. I am rolling with my journey and who now where it will lead but I know where I have been and I don’t what to be I bed for days, unable to stand or stop throwing up due to vertigo and I feel like I am getting somewhere.

I lost my hearing in my right ear a week ago and it frightened me much as this is part of the illness but have gained a sense of being and feeling grounded through my early morning rising, appreciating the new dawn whilst hitting the gym and I don’t plan o stoppi g anytime soon.

I have lots of time to be in the stillness of my own inner peace at those times and that is priceless.

I felt drawn to blogging about this as I know many who struggle and hope it helps in some small way. I found the first week of exercise and getting about more quite challenging and now I enjoy feeling more alive and present.

This is my story, what is yours? X

I choose gratitude, joy love…

This week hasn’t got off to the best start. Many people haven’t turned up for various important appointments or collections of items I am purging. I have felt tense and out of sorts too.

Last night I was blessed to work with 3 people and their loved ones in heaven, giving solid evidence and loving messages and I felt so humbled.

I have questioned wether my mediumship is something that is meant to take the forefront or wether I need to step back from readings for a while. Not a rash thought, more of a slow and Intentional delving into the idea.

Last week held much purging of physical possessions and yet this week it seems to be mirrored Internally. A purging of toxic thought patterns and belief systems. Evaluating relationships with those around me, and a general internal week which is totally ok.

I got quite caught up in the stress yesterday, feeling quite angry at many things and it is something that I expected to come up on this journey of reassessment. Then within a heartbeat, I let it go. I simply let it all go, the stress, the need to control, the being let down. Boy it felt good.

As I write this, I am sat on my back door step where you will often find me. Listening to the trees swaying in the gentle breeze, watching bees come to get there pollen from the beautiful various plants we have grown. There is so much that can be learnt from simply stopping and observing.

The tree doesn’t snap and wallow when the wind picks up, it sways and bends to allow some room to move with the wind. The bees, they are busy doing there thing, going about it with diligence and precision. The plants, all manor of different species are not moping because some are bigger or more veluptous, they simply stand tall and shine their own beauty outwards.

All is as it should be, no comparing, no feeling small and weak, simply being themselves.

The rest of this week is also set to be busy with various appointments, events and such like. One thing I can do is be kind and gentle to myself whilst I do the dance that is this week. Coming back to myself and knowing that life is not meant to be all serious and stagnant. That I can choose joy in all I do, wether itnis sitting with nature, washing up or waiting for appointments that are an hour late.

It is my choice to feel all I do, also it is my responsibility to own it all. If I’m feeling angry? Own it, if I’m feeling overwhelmed? Own it!

I choose joy and love over all other feelings whenever I can and it is a beautiful thing to hold gratitude for everything.

Who knows how the rest of the week will pan out, who knows what is next to walk through. The one thing I can be sure of is my own responsibility for my choices, my decisions and my life.

I intend to feel gratitude, joy, love…. how about you? X